Grief & Loss

Today is the first anniversary of my sister in law's death. Tomorrow would be her birthday. And the fact that a year has passed doesn't seem possible except for the grief I've seen my most loved one go through. I can easily say this past year has been the absolute hardest of our lives. Most of the time I felt like an observer and not an active participant. Watching the person you love the most get swallowed whole by helplessness and grief is a lonely indescribable feeling. I can't even imagine the feelings that must have been consuming him. 

One year and one week ago there was hope. There was a clinical trial. Surgery complications erased all hope and replaced them with goodbyes. The entire time I kept telling Chris to choose hope. I feel wrong for doing that now. Hope and joy seem elusive, like rare visitors.

I won't pretend that my sister in law and I were best friends but I can tell you about her love of dressing her kids. We had kids six weeks apart (my first and her second). On a visit to their house she introduced me to Gymboree and a forum called Gymbofriends. The members of this site discussed clothes, matches, new lines, for Gymboree but also other major brands. She introduced me to Hanna Andersson, Matilda Jane, Mini Boden, and so many more. Every time we met, we shopped. She'd grab deals for me, or I'd call her from a store asking if she was interested in an outfit on sale. It's where my love of kids' clothes started. 

Often we didn't get hand me downs because she was great at making deals on Ebay. After she passed, her mother in law mailed me a box of children's clothes that were outgrown. As I went through the box I was flooded with thoughts of her picking out these pieces. It took me awhile to make it through the tears. 

She probably wouldn't want me to post her picture. In fact most people didn't know she was sick but it felt wrong not to mention this anniversary. I hope this weekend you'll hug your loved ones tight and say a little prayer for my family. We'll be together, eating red velvet cake (her favorite), and sharing memories. 

Weekend Review

It was a wet and rainy weekend, once again. It seems to be the theme of the fall here in the south. Usually these are weekends we put a movie on and snuggle up while there's soup on the stove, but this was busy. 

I'd start with Friday but it was pretty typical, the only exception is I talked Chris into making waffles for dinner (it wasn't hard to talk him into it, more of "hey will you make waffles for dinner?" "sure" type thing).

Saturday the boys were going nuts. They argue a lot. We decided to get them out of the house for breakfast. It was a slightly insane time (T sit down, N get out of KC's face, KC stop screaming) but it was nice too. 

The rain cancelled our baseball games for the day so instead the boys went to art class with friends. They loved it and made beautiful masterpieces!

 cheesy pasta with asparagus // cake

We followed this up with T's team party at Sky High,  a trampoline center. The boys had so much fun and were really hard to calm down at bedtime!

Sunday Chris made pancakes. We used to 1/2 the recipe, now we make 1 1/2 the recipe. I'm sure we aren't too far from doubling it. 

While cleaning up I listened to our church service and started the boys on a craft. When they have a task they get along so much better. It was fun to get out the paints with them and talk while we worked together. I had to remind myself of this as I did the clean up. Here's our work in progress:

I've been wrapping Christmas presents and hiding them. I had one present not wrapped and N found it this weekend. He wasn't technically looking for it, but he found it. I keep acting like I don't know where it's from and he keeps trying to figure it out. I've been out of ribbon for wrapping so the presents don't have tags or ribbons, but I scooped up some this weekend - I'm in love with this one:

We watched the Panther's and N and Chris headed to the field for a game. T and I snuggled on the couch (T is the best snuggler). 

My parents came down and we went to watch. Unfortunately we were down a lot of players and lost, but we had such a sweet team. N was so upset after the game. It broke my heart. Remind me why sports are good? I'm having trouble coming up with reasons. (Coin flip below - apparently #1 seeds don't get home field advantage - but I'm not bitter ;) )

That pretty much ended our weekend. We had dinner with my parents before they drove back home. KC has refused to sleep through the night for awhile now, and this morning as I type, it's raining again. Hopefully it's the start to a good week! 

Five on Friday // Happy November

The first week of November and my favorite time of the year! Thanksgiving has to be an all time favorite holiday. It's dedicated to eating delicious food with family and kicks off the Christmas season. It's warm, comforting, and full of possibilities. I'm ready for all of that and hope you are looking forward to it too!

I'm kicking off November linking up with the Five on Friday ladies.

1. Is it too late to share Halloween pictures? It was such a fun night (and on a Saturday)! KC visited a couple houses, T decided he was too tired to continue after a few streets (and walked back with grandpa), and N ran ahead so often I'm not sure I talked to him the entire time (but I could hear him laughing).

2. There was a special day to celebrate last week (complete with cupcakes). While I was picking up dinner, T and Chris were playing catch in the front yard, and N was up to some antics in the back yard. He surprised us by setting up the seats at the "treehouse" with plates and napkins, but before we could sit down we had a scavenger hunt. He had taken our paper leaves and written words on them. We hunted all the leaves and then put them in order to see what the sentence said. It was so sweet and he did it all on his own. It made a special day even more memorable.

3. Baseball ends this weekend! It is crazy to think about our weekends without baseball. Last Saturday we were there from 9-2! What will we do with our time! 

4. Also this weekend The Peanuts Movie is released! We have been so excited to see it. It seems to have really good reviews too! Both Gap and Hanna Andersson have Peanuts lines. I love the Christmas PJs from Hanna. Are multiple pairs of Christmas PJs acceptable? 

5. I have holiday outfits ready to go! This is a record for me. Usually I scramble pretty late. I will say I'm second guessing some choices and will be switching out a few things (maybe purchasing a different dress for KC). Here's what we have:

I'm switching the white button down for a blue gingham one. I'm not thrilled with the "navy" dress I ordered, but it was cheap and I think it's a "you get what you pay for" situation. The boys are wearing Hanna Andersson sweaters we purchased on super sale last winter. Right now, I'm loving absolutely everything Hanna (and it's on sale). I did notice how similar it is the a lot of options from Vineyard Vines right now too (another love, they really have been a go to recently). If I needed to buy new - here's what I'm loving (all Hanna or VV, except for the smocked dress):

I hope you are looking forward to the holidays. We have a rough patch to get through (more on that later), but we'll do it together. I have three gifts wrapped and honestly can't wait for some decorations to go up (but I will, because I love Thanksgiving enough to wait)! Happy Weekend!